Like any thriving metropolis, KenniesBurg has its share
of ad agencies. The Mayor presents, herewith, a few ads that
he thinks, for one reason or another, deserve a wider audience.
Good, bad, ugly? You decide.

Diamond ReMax Precision Precision
The Big Pecker Science Diet The Modest Proposal Platter White Jars
Cock Fuk Kum Thatched Door Thatched Door Thatched Door

and other advertising nonsense.

Ad agencies, and the companies which hire them never
seem to tire of making idiotic statements. A few examples.

"People are connected in their lives everywhere today."
Chrysler employee Keith Leung said this trying to justify
the carmaker's decision to offer WiFi connectivity in some
of its 2009 models. WiFi connectivity would let people surf
the Web on laptop computers while they drive.

The power of Cantel wireless has come together with the global
vision of AT&T to give you the freedom to be everything you are.

Pontiac Sunfire. Built for drivers.

Air Canada. It's about caring.

Few relationships in life are as important
as that between you and your Michelin tires.

At Chrysler, we're not just building cars and trucks;
we're building Canada.

It is grounded in the belief that for ideas to take flight,
they must have wings. The Chrysler Concord.

When people get up in the morning they have to shower
and they have to get dry. It's great to be a part of that.

(TV Commercial for Cambridge towels)

The legacy of Bambi continues.

Everyone wants the new fresh-toasted
chicken parmesan sandwich with zesty marinara sauce.
Only at Subway restaurants.

Everyone can't wait to get their hands on McDonalds Disney music.

Everyone loves what's in the Chevrolet Uplander.

Everybody's talking about Oust air cleaner.

Everybody needs a minivan.

We take the time to understand what really matters in your life.
(Mutual Fund Retailer, Investors Group)

Did somebody say McDonalds?

Intrigue -- a sophisticated twist on a sports sedan.
The Mayor responds: "There's no such thing as a sports sedan."

The Best of George Michael -- The Perfect Gift for Any Music Lover

Have you ever noticed how special life can get when it's focused on you?
That's why we created M-BANX.

The Mayor enquires: "How, exactly, do you focus life on someone?"

A new lease on life? Maybe if you're in one.
SUVs are three times more likely to kill
the occupants of the vehicles they hit than cars are.
Incidentally, they also get half the gas mileage and
produce four times the pollution as cars -- 15,000
pounds of carbon dioxide each per year (they are
classed as "light trucks" and, as such, are not
required to meet the same emission
standards as cars.

The all-new 2002 Escalade.
The most powerful SUV in the world. Coming Spring, 2001.
Absolute power corrupts absolutely.
At last, something approaching honesty from an SUV manufacturer, sez the Mayor.

But wait. What's this?
In 2006 General Motors decided to name its
new SUV/pickup truck hybrid the Chevrolet Avalanche.
So, naming a manmade environmental disaster
after a real natural disaster kinda makes sense.
What were they thinking?

The new 2002 Ford Explorer.
Smoother, larger and more powerful.
Even nature is singing its praises.

Oops right back into the ethical toilet there.

Built Ford Tough!
In 1993, three members of the Romo family died when their Ford Bronco
rolled over and it's roof, made mostly of fiberglass, collapsed. Both parents
and a 17-year-old son were killed. Juan Romo, the driver of the SUV, and two
sisters, 13 and 7, sustained minor injuries. The surviving family members sued
Ford. At the trial in Ceres, Calif., in 1999, the plaintiffs argued that the
combination of the Bronco's propensity to roll over and what they called "the
weakest roof in Ford's history" made the vehicle unreasonably dangerous. Ford
sold the Bronco as "tough" and "rugged," they said, and included a hollow hump
to suggest the presence of a nonexistent rollover bar. A Ford document
called the hollow hump a "rollover bar appearance theme."

Adventure has always been more civilized in the 2002
Nissan Pathfinder. Available heated leather seats, automatic
 climate control and a 6-disc CD Bose audio system
 help keep the tradition alive.

Wow! Considering that this advertisement was delivered
in November of 2001,  the tradition of which they speak extends
 back at least as far as two months from now.

At BMO Investorline, we know how you think.
Everywhere you look, you think about investing.

Does the ol' phrase "Get a life" come to mind when you hear this?

At RBC Insurance, it's not about us, it's about you.

FloorsFirst: A total floorcovering solutions experience

Uh, right, so: My jacket has your label on it. Therefore
my jacket is guaranteed to last as long as my jacket?

Nobody does everything better than London Drugs.
Does anybody actually read these things
before they put 'em on the air?

Nobody does slogans worse
Good Lord -- they've actually trademarked it!

Looks like the London Drugs Ultimate Computer Guide
includes everything you need to know about computers,
except how to hook the parts together so the thing will work.

Keepin' it real, no matter what they say.
And how does one "keep it real, no matter they say"?
Why, one goes to Dairy Queen, of course.

Dodge Caravan is Canada's best selling minivan and we
intend to keep it that way. That's why you should take advantage
of the Dodge Caravan Canada's Number One Sale today!

O.K., just so I have this straight, I should buy a Dodge Caravan
because you want to keep your sales numbers up?

All of the excitement of The Lord of the Rings:
Return of the King is at Pizza Hut now!

With a name like Smuckers, it has to be good.

Power yourself with the limitless possibilities
of instant Quaker Oatmeal.

In a television commercial, the inventor of the Blackberry says:
My life is about making ideas happen.
That's why my card is American Express.

The Mayor says: That makes absolutely no sense.

"Hey, Mom, we love summer.
That's why we love Sunny D."

Leon's -- It's all about trust.

It's not just a mint, it's a Tic Tac.

It's not just chicken, it's Lilydale.

It's not just a resume. It's the difference between a job and a career.

They're not cookies. They're Peek Freens.

It's not just news, it's Margaret Wente.

It's not just a new truck, it's a new F150.

It's not new. It's Next.
Acura ZDX automobile.

Always explore your curiosity.
Kahlua. Probably the barflies this commercial is aimed
at won't care that it makes no sense. Explore your curiosity?

If all this modern advertising has got you feeling a little bilious and made you pine for those classy ads of yesteryear, why not take a little trip down memory lane at AdFlip. They've got tons of old print advertisements like this one. Some of 'em are in color and everything! And hey, there's also some neat old advertising stuff at Ephemera Now.